I’m having one of those days.
The ones where everything is hard, like you feel like you’re pushing life uphill in order to get stuff done.
I’m trying to get some important life admin done; like paying bills, renewing car registration and renewing library books (yes, library books.) I also need to edit some videos for my website and have an article due I’m doing for a magazine soon.
All of these things require a laptop, and an internet connection.
However, my laptop is taking a million minutes to load, the wifi isn’t working and I’m not in the mood for calm.
I’m in such a flap about getting this done, even though none of it is due until next week.
What’s the rush?
Everything happens when it’s supposed to (even paying the bills!) and I’ve come to learn that life should never be pushed, nor should it be resisted.
When we push, we are forcing – and when we resist, we are controlling.
Either way, when we do this, we are turning a blind eye to the natural order of things.
I wanted my videos edited by this week, so I could upload them Monday of next. However, due to a few things taking longer than I wanted, I am being reminded to be patient and that there is a natural order to things that I must adhere by.
What’s the rush?
Whether I do them now, on Friday or in April (God forbid), nothing catastrophic is going to occur.
Whether I renew these books today or Thursday, when they are due; doesn’t matter.
Whether I end up writing the article now or at midnight the day before it’s due (my best work is done this way anyway); who really cares.
I want X,Y and Z done this week, but it’s not going to happen, so I have to trust that it’ll come together at the time when all parties involved are the most ready to deal with it.
No pushing, no resisting.
Maybe the person I’m going to send the article to this week is going through a hard time, and wouldn’t be in the right mind frame to read through it and approve it thoroughly. Maybe I have something to learn this week that I can add to my article next week – enhancing it entirely.
You get the picture.
Trust the natural order.
These sorts of days remind me to pull back.
It reminds me to listen to what the universe is telling me; I’m pushing.
Which means, “Not yet, Pen. Hang on just a while longer.”
I don’t love this answer, but I’m learning to like it. Make friends with it.
I have had this reminder a lot in my life in the last few years, whether it’s a job I wanted or a relationship going a certain way, or passing a university subject or not. God didn’t that happen a few times.
It’s always according to the natural order, with no pushing or resisting.
When I was in my last semester of university in 2011, I was doing four subjects and once I finished it, I was set on moving to back California, where I lived a few years earlier.
I ended up failing one of those subjects though, meaning I couldn’t graduate when I had wanted to and instead I had to do another semester of university and do the subject again. That subject was Financial Management, not my favourite.
Devastated that I wasn’t going to California at the time I had planned, I then completely resisted the subject that I had to do a second time. I enrolled in the class again, but refused to go to any lectures or tutorials. I somehow thought ‘out of sight out of mind’ and that everything would be fine.
I went to one lecture and maybe half of a tutorial.
This my friend, is what you call ignorant.
I just wanted the subject out of the way so I could be where I wanted to be. California.
So come exam time for the second shot at passing this subject, I failed it worse than I did the first time. And I had to audacity to be shocked.
So, financial management and I met for a third time… a third semester.
This time round, I committed. I went to every lecture, every tutorial and probably thought about baking my tutor biscuits.
Funnily enough, the third time was lucky and I passed the subject with total ease.
This taught me not to resist life.
That subject had to be done and the more I resisted, the longer it stuck around.
It also taught me not to push.
I was in a constant push to finish Uni, so I could move back to California.
But I wasn’t supposed to finish Uni any earlier than I did, because I wasn’t supposed to go back to California afterwards, like I had planned.
When I did end up finishing university, was the same time a friend of mine was thinking of going travelling, to Europe.
As it turns out, he asked me to go; I said yes and I met the love of my life; after a lot of kicking and screaming on my part to rush my university graduation.
Life is meant to be something that is effortless, it’s supposed to flow. Like a river.
But when we decide that in fact, we would like to take charge of a few things; those things will quite often feel effortful and hard; because all of a sudden we are swimming upstream.
That never works.
We might not like what is going on in our lives at any given time, but there is such an element of ease to it if we simply look skyward, and surrender.
“Okay, we’ll do it your way.”
Whatever challenges you are facing in your life, choose ease.
Choose to flow downstream without needing to be in control or know where it’s leading.
Trust the natural order of things, and know that the universe knows what it's doing – let it drive.