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What I'm observing about self sabotage

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What I'm observing about self sabotage

Penny Younger

So, it’s been a few weeks since my last blog post, yet all this time I’ve had material to legitimately blog about.

Instead of turning that material into a blog post, I’ve kept it merely as an idea and shelved it for later.

Why?

Because fear has been getting the better of me.

Fear of what?

Who knows.

We’re funny creatures; when something means the world to us we are so careful about doing it and sometimes we don’t do it at all.

Think of a dream business you’d love to start, but are putting off.

Or a pair of shoes you’ve bought but haven’t worn in fear of ruining them, or maybe you haven’t found the perfect event to wear them to yet.

When something is meaningful to us and we love it so much, we can sometimes let fear get in the way of enjoying it, how we go about doing it or allowing the world to know about it.

Sometimes it might be fear of judgement and fear of failing.

But other times it’s more of a self-sabotage thing; where something is going really well and all of a sudden we are scared of the success ending, so instead we’d rather end it on our own terms.

Something along the lines of the latter has been going on for me in the last month.

This blog means the world to me.

At the time of launching it, I’d been talking about creating it for such a long time, yet I’d managed to successfully put it off for about a year or two. But one day, I woke up and just decided ‘it’s time.’

So I did it.

I just starting writing and posting; and the response I got from even the first post blew my mind.

I was getting virtual pats on the back every which way I turned and I realised ‘this is going to be good!'

You know when something you create just becomes an extension of yourself? That’s how I felt every time I blogged.

I felt like I was putting a piece of myself out into the world, and the love I received told me that what I was saying was important, and it was touching lots of people because they resonated with what I was saying.

However, when people in my life who I really admire and look up to starting telling me how amazing my writing was and how much they were getting from my posts, well, first it made my day, and then very quickly it scared the hell out of me.

“What if I can’t keep producing content that matters?”

Hey, fear.

What if this incredible exchange of inspiration and love that I was giving and then very much receiving, stopped?

What if I just one day stopped generating material that didn’t make people’s day?

So with those questions in mind and the feeling of that fear, what did I do?

I stopped.

It wasn’t a conscious decision of ‘I can’t keep doing this.’

It was a very unconscious resistance of ‘I will blog tomorrow…’ and tomorrow never came (it rarely does).

It’s only when I sat back after three or four weeks, that I even recognised the resistance to my blog and got to the bottom of what I was afraid of.

There is a beautiful quote that Steven Pressfield said, and it’s; “The more important a project is to your soul’s evolution, the more you will resist it.”

Amen, brothers and sisters.

When something is so important to you and it’s going well, it can sometimes scare the pants off us.

I know that this blog is going to be apart of the bigger picture for me.

I want this blog to make you feel inspired and uplifted and like you’ve just been given a new spin on looking at a situation.

It means the world to me that my writing makes an impact on you for the better, so that’s why I’ve chosen to whip my behind back into writing gear and make this the topic of it.

Because I know you can relate to me on some level.

I know there is something in your life that you’ve been dying to do or try that you are avoiding, even though you know it’s going to be a game changer for you.

Maybe you’re in a relationship that is going really well, and that scares the life out of you.

Maybe your body finally ‘looks’ the way you want it to, you are feeling awesome but you are terrified of eating anything in fear of those five kilos coming back just by looking at the word ‘dessert’ on a menu.

We all have something that means the world to us, and when we get it, it freaks us out.

You are not alone.

I encourage you to sit with whatever it is that resonates with you; whatever you have and you are petrified of losing or royally messing up.

Sit with it, put your hand on your heart and say “I trust myself.”

Learn to trust yourself with whatever is precious to you.

Sometimes it’s a matter of just trusting that you are capable of holding onto and maintaining all that is beautiful in your life, and that you are worthy of it.

From this little experience, I’ve really learnt that I need to trust the worth of my words and that resistance is just a sign that something is super important to me.

So now, when I recognise resistance, I simply acknowledge that it’s there and put pen to paper anyway.

Learn to recognise resistance as a good sign and navigate yourself through it, trusting that you are both capable and worthy of all that is beautiful; including a smoking body, beautiful relationships and applause for your achievements.

Use my blogging as someone who is holding your hand.

Each time I blog, rest assure that there is probably fear lingering on my part because I’ll be worried if I can back it up with another blog post next week, but the fact that I’m blogging is really the only thing that matters.

One thing at a time.

I believe in you, don’t be scared of your dreams coming true, let’s just put one foot in front of the other, together.